Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
