Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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