The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
be right there i have to get my cape
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
