Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
