does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
only you would photoshop your dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
