I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
