I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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