you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
