Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
