I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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