i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
