so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
