UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
