I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
