Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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