I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
