I think I am morally bankrupt
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
