I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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