he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we should paint friendship bongs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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