i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
