hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
