All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
