Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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