I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
