Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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