Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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