At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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