My girlfriend figured out who you are.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
