sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
