you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
