I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
