my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
