He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
