She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
