Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
