I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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