if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
