My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
