you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
