I think I am morally bankrupt
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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