somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
