TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
