I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
