I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
