He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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