You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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