it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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