I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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