I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize