I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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