my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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