if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
