she was so not down for the gang bang
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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