how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
