i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
