I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
