So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
