Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
