If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
