ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
