he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
