I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
