his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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