I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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