you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
