we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
