Where did you get a picture of my penis
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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