Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
only you would photoshop your dick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
